I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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