Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
