I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
