I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
