in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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