it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
