Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Found the puke drawer
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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