I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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