His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
