So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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