KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
