He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
