i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
