You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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