i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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