I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
