No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
