so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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