You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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