What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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