She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
