You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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