Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
