Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
