Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
