Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you have to choose: penises or morals?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
