I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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