You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
