I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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