I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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