i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
