Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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