Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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