I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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