I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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