so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm passing your future prison.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
