u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
