in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
