..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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