I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
