community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize