I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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