Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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