i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
