i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
