The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I believe in your delicious
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
