Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize