You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
