Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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