my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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