i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
