I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
