Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He? As in you personified your dick?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
