Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
