I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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