I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
