Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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