Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize