Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
