how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
