My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
