Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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