In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
