If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
