so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
